im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
