Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
