My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
