I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
