there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
