as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
