My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
