when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
