I got chris browned last night
My nipple is on Facebook.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
