I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize