shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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