Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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