I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
