Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
