There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
