WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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