No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
