Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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