I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
