my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
