ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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