i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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