She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
