I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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