What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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