I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
