I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
