they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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