he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize