New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
