I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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