but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize