It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
