I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
