I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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