I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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