weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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