How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
