Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So squirting runs in the family.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
