At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My feet surprised me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
