So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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