apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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