If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
