I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
