I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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