So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
