Just fell off a train. Bad.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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