i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize