I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
