you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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