He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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