the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
