i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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