we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
