His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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