I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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