I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I could make wine with my vomit
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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