brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They took my balls.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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