No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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