i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
