Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
