All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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