and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i was born a porn star she said
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
