at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
