Just fell off a train. Bad.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
and she was petting her beer can
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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