You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So here I am, sexting at work.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
