so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
