I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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