My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
