i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
