textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
All I want is dick and wine.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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