Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
