We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
