when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
