I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
