maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
