sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
