tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
