I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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