Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
pop tarts are not kleenex
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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