Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
