We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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