I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
