The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm getting married
To pizza
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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