Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize