Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
