I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
