Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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