Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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