I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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