I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
