So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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