I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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