just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
