A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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