Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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