Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
