She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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